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للحب ذاكرة

دخلت الممرضة وهي تحمل بين يديها  قطعة من القماش الجاف  ووضعتها  بجوار السرير الذي عمدت إلى تحريكه  ليكون في مواجهة النافذة المشمسة ، كانت الممرضة تتحرك كالأله الجامدة الباردة ، التي إعتادت مقارعة  الآلم حتى فقدت محركات الحس  ، فكانت تبدوا للوهلة الأولى إنسانة قاسية بلا  المشاعر ولكن مع معاشرتي الطويلة لها في المستشفى عرفت بإن مشاعرها صمتت  من كثر ما سمعت وشاهدت  لسنوات متعاقبة ، قالت عندما يبدأ بالعرق أستخدمي هذه القطعة ،  شكرتها بهدؤء ، وخرجت ، رجع الصمت كما كان في الغرفة ، فهذا الصمت هو في بعض الأحيان نعمة كنت  أدعوا الله لساعات حتى يمنحني  القليل منه ، منذ بداية هذا النهار   وأنا لا أسمع إلا خشخشات قدمي ،  يبدو بأنه هذا   يوم حضي ، فكأن أحمد قرر أن يمنحني ساعات ألتقط فيها أنفاسي ،   تنهدت بعمق ، وأنا أتأمله نائم على سريره وهو  هادئ على غير عادته ، أسمع تنفسه العميق والعميق  ، وبدون شعور مني سقطت دمعتي على يده ، فمسحتها سريعاً لاني تذكرت بأنه لايحب أن يبلله شيء ، كان يحب المطر ويطرب لصوته ويقول الشعر في حضرته ، لكنه يكره لمسته أو الأٌقتراب منه ، كنت أتهكم فيه دائماً وأقول له يأ لك من عاشق يكره مطارحة عشيقه أرضاً  ، فكان يضحك ويقول أنا عاشقاً مخلص    أكون عاشقاً لغيرك من بعيد ،  مطراً كان أو  بحراً أو حتى بشراً  وأكون لكي كالعقد الغرام  الذي يتدلى من رأسك إلى أخمص قدميك ، حتى مع مرور عشرين  سنه  مازلت أخجل من سماع تلك الكلمات منه ، من قال بأن الأنثى تكبر من الإطراء ، فكلماته كانت تجعلني أجمل النساء ، ونظراته  لي تتوجني ملكة تغار منها العروش ، كنت أنثى بذأكرته الدقيقة ،  التي كانت تحفظ جميع تفاصيلي الصغيرة ، في رشدي وشبابي وحتى أيام الطفولة ، لم أحتاج يوماً إلى دفتر المذكارات حتى أُدون لحظاتي السعيدة  ،  بل كنت أذهب إلى ذأكرته و أعيش لحظاتي المميزة بأنعاشها ومداعبتها بالذكرياتنا الماضية  ، كان تاريخي بيدأ معه وكنت أعتقد بأنه ينتهي عنده ،  كُنت أرى بأن لا شيء يمكن يأخذ تاريخي منه ، فتاريخي كُتب على يديه ، أحبني رغم الفارق الكبير بيننا ، كنت صبيه يافعة وكان شابا راشداً ، كُنت لم أختم تعليمي ، وكان مهندساً ناجحاً ، لم أكن جميلة تخطف الأبصار ، ولكنه وقف أمامي من أول يوم في قمة الإنبهار ، حملت طفلي الأول والثاني والخامس ومازلت في نظرة تلك الصبية التي تحتاج من يمسك بيدها ، كُنت أعشق أن أكون تلك المدللة  التي تخاصم وتحارب وفي نهاية اليوم تبكي وتراضي  وتدعوا الله أن يبقى فوق رأسها رجلاً تموت في همسته كل أنواع الخوف والضعف ، و تحيى من  نظرته شموع الحب ولهيب الشوق .

كنت كذلك لسنوات ، ولكن كأن تلك الشمس التي كانت تشرق فينا قد  بدأت تتعب ، وأثار تعبها وصل إلى ” ذأكرته” فلم يعد ذلك الرجل الذي يعرفنا ، بدأ ينسى وينسى وينسى حتى خشيت ذات يوم أن ينسى أسمي ،، آآه وسقط أسمي من ذأكرته يوماً ، بكيت ذلك اليوم حتى تعب البكى مني وأبكيته  معي فقد شعرا كِلانا   بأن هناك شيء  غامضً و مخيف يتربص بنا، لأول مرة شعرت بإنه خائف ، مسكت بيده وجدتها باردةً ترتجف ،

قال : منى أنا لست على ما يرام ،حاولت و حاولت يبدوا بأن الأمر خرج من يدي ..

قلت : هل تخفي عني شيء !! أحمد لا أصدق ذلك !

قال : لم أقصد أن أخفي عنك .. لكني لم أرد إخافتك ..

قلت : أحـــــــمد !

…………..

  مرت ثلاث سنوات على تلك المحادثة التي كانت  بدأية لفصل جديد في  حياتي ، فصل ملئ بالمستشفيات ، وروائح الأدوية المقيتة ، وخطابات الأطباء المنمقة ، وفراق الأبناء المضني ، وموت بطئ للحب ، عرفت مع الأيام بأن الحب يحتاج إلى ذأكرة ليبقى بأبهى صورة  ، لكني جهلة حتى أيقنت بأن للكل شيء ذأكرة الحب  والألم والفراق والموت  والقدر كل هؤلاء لهم    ذاكرة ، لكننا بشر  نعتاد الأشياء وندمنها  حتى ننسى طبيعتها المتقلبة ،  و ربما  لا نعلم ذلك حتى تغادرنا أو تطرق على أبوابنا  وهي بصورة مختلفة  ، زأرني    زهايمر” وكان من

خبايا القدر المخيف   الذي لم  أتوقف يوما أمامه  إلا عندما طرق بابي بغتة، مع مرور الأيام  عرفت مامعنى زهايمر ، فقد تلبس  أحمد حتى نسي  كل أنواع السلوك البشري ، فبعد ما كنت أقراه عن ظهر قلب ، أصبحت لا أعرفه أبداً ، يقول الأطباء بأن أيامه في الحياة معدودة ، ويحب علي أتسلح بالصبر ، لأن سوف تكون أمامي أياماً شديدة الصعوبة ، فتح أحمد عينيه ونظر حوله تلك النظر الفارغة التائهه التي تخترق قلبي بلا رحمة  ، وقلت ربما الموت أرحم من مشاهدة  تلك النظره القاتلة !

فاطمة شيخ محمد حوش

كاتبة صومالية

مقالات ذات صلة

‫57 تعليقات

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